Snape At The End of the Universe

"Today Chelsea talks about the Big Bounce! It is either highly likely we will melt into pools of radiation or have our atoms rip apart. Also Cristina Brings us Snape-ism. Something no one asked for but are giving you anyway."

Presented by: Chelsea
Category: Scientific Theory

For as long as there have been humans and for as long as there has been a sky for them to look up into, humans have asked themselves four questions: "How did we get her?", "Are their aliens?", "Can I fuck them?" and "When will all this end?" This is a theory about that last question.

The Big Bounce is a theory that posits that when the universe ends, instead of tearing itself apart (the Big Rip) or turn into radiation (Heat Death and the Big Freeze), gravity will pull the universe back into it's pre-Big Bang state. Then whatever caused the Big Bang to happen (suspected to be David Bowie) will happen again and the universe will be recreated. If this is true, we have no way of knowing where we are on the cycle.

Takeaway: Believe what you want. In the cosmic sense, it really doesn't matter.

Presented by: Cristina
Category: Cult

Snapeism is a cult found on the internet forums of the early 2000s dedicated to the worship of Severus Snape a ventral and controversial figure in the Harry Potter series. While there is varying believes among the small group of followers, some generalities can be made.

Snape as a figure is all power and exists on another plane, though he is able to interact with our plane of existence to feed off our energy. He visit people on this plane primarily through channeling. All of the Snapewives have channelled Snape, as has known terf J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series. The events of the series either real events that took place on the plane Snape inhabits or metaphors to teach moral lessons. According to the Snapewives, Rowling was frightened by her encounters with Snape, leading her to try and kill him off in the final book in the series.

Some similarities between Snape and the Abrahamic god have been noted:


 * The followers commune with their deity.
 * The deity is characterized as a "jealous god that regards civility and punishes disobedience".
 * Fanfiction exists of both.
 * Followers want to bang their deity.

Takeaway: All religions are equally valid or equally ludicrous.

Trivia

 * Patreon Skit: The sex talk
 * The start of Mal's running twink gag.